Doubledown

I had an epiphany today and I've decided to share it with all of you: There is something seriously wrong with moviegoers. That's not the epiphany, that's a well-known fact, but it is an important fact to lead up to the epiphany.

The movie Takers led the box office this past weekend with 20.5 MILLION DOLLARS! Of course, looking at your options, you really don't have many at all, but still you had other options. Other potentially (and very likely) better options. But no, the American public spoke and said that we want to see what is basically Ocean's Eleven with a lot of rappers and annoying white actors...

So the epiphany: Movies like this are like the KFC Doubledown "Sandwich."

Stay with me here...

The KFC Doubledown is a sandwich made up of 2 pieces of fried chicken, bacon and cheese. Now I love friend chicken, bacon and cheese, but I will never eat a Doubledown. Why? Because it is a heart attack waiting to happen and I enjoy, ya know, living.

You can apply this same stance to movies like Takers. You have a heist, rappers and action. Heist movies are awesome. Look at the aforementioned Ocean's Eleven (both versions, but not the sequels) or Heat or the grossly underrated and under-viewed The Score. Awesome flicks all around. And people like rappers. I'm not sure why they like rappers that act because it rarely turns out well. And people like action. Notice that nowhere in this part of the exercise did I mention plot, good action or anything Oscar worthy. Like these things, the Doubledown lacks anything healthy, good nutrition or anything Doctor-recommended worthy.

So there you have it. Bad movies that make a lot of money are like unhealthy death sandwiches that make people a lot fatter. And the worse part about it that Hollywood will continue making terrible movies that are heart attacks to the people that look for quality movies in their local cinemas just like for every Doubledown, there's also a Baconator, and someday soon, some chain fast food joint will probably just hand over a bucket of lard and charge you $5.89 for it.

I'm off to get a Popcorn chicken from KFC to apologize for all the bad things I've written. Forgive Colonel Sanders!